OMG! I ...

OMG! I just got to work ok... right before I turned my car off I got a call from Tason on my cell phone. Him and I used to work together at Gattitown. Anyways, he tells me that one of the managers got fired. OMG! The he tells me that he is now a supervisor along with this other guy I know. More then likely if I would of stayed there I would be a supervisor right now. Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! So I sitting up here at work right now not giving a flying fuck about what I'm doing. I'm not going to tuck my shirt in, I'm not gonig to be on my best behavior... Mr. Tilt God can walk in at anytime and I really don't give a rats ass if he fires me. At this point I want to get fired. I know that I can always go back to Gattitown anytime I want to. They know that I will work and I am respected and everyone actually likes me. I soooo wanna go back to Gattitown now. Tason said that they should be getting a fat pay raise. Hell yeah! I wanna go back even if I don't get to be a supervisor. I just miss all the friends that I had there. Sometimes that is more important then money. Gattitown... look out.

dfjka;oies

I've had a few drinks. I'm feeling a little bit of nothing right now. I was on a bit of a high but now I think I'm at that point where your in between feelin really good and feeling really bad. There is no one online to talk to so I think I'll just stumble upstairs and pass out on my bed. I'd like to thank Jackie before I go though. She sent me a really nice friendship e-mail. I love you Jackie. I just wish we weren't so far away from each other. You're a great friend.

shit shit and duba shit!

I do not feel good AT ALL! I don't know why either. I'm just in an overall shitty mood. I was sitting down watching tv with my mom and out of no where she turns to me and asks if I want to see a shrink... I just turned and looked at her. I was thinking to myself... what the hell does that mean? Do I wanna see a shrink... what parent just comes out and says that out of the blue. I didn't respond to her, I just sat there and continued to watch tv. I've just been out of it all day today. I spent most of my afternoon locked in my room watching powerpuff girl videos and the HBO nsync special. I ate a lot today. Thats a good thing. Maybe I'll gain a little weight and be a normal size. I went shopping the other day and found a pair or shorts that I liked... they are a size 0, and they are loose. That is bad. >:( I just got in a fight with my brother. I have to get out of my house so bad its not even funny. I hate the fact that I'm almost 21 and I still live with my parents. I feel so bad... I think I'm going to cry. I am such a cry baby! Damnit! I miss having a best friend around. At this time last year I had two best friends... I didn't know how good I had it. I hate the way things change. Ok, I think I need a drink...

5:30am

That is what time I wake up every Tuesday in order to get to work by 7am. This Tuesday was like anyother. Went to work... did an ass load of paperwork and inputing numbers. Opened the store at 10am, fixed little things here and there, and waited for Dustin to show up so that I could go home. He shows up, I clock out... instead of going home I stay an play some games. I always do... I'm a loozer like that. I got my ass kicked twice in blitz and got to put my name in the first place slot on Sega GT. I guess I'm better at racing games. Anyways... I screwed around with Dustin for a bit then went home in my air conditionless car. I'll get it fixed one of these days. Now I'm just kinda chillin at home. I've got nothing to do for the rest of the day so I think I'll just sit here and work on my homepage a little and surf the web.

random thoughts

I can tell tonight is gunna be one of those nights when I can't sleep. All of a sudden my every thought is of her. I have been taken over by these flood of emotions. Shit like this happens all the time. One moment I'm fine and the next I'm on the verge of a breakdown. Why do I love her so much? She treats me like shit. For the past year I've been forcing myself to get over her. I can say that I am closer to my goal with every passing day, but every once in a while I have these horrible yet pleasing memories of her. Why can't I stop thinking about her!? I stumbled upon an old conversation I had with Mike almost a year ago... It was a short one. I had told him that I couldn't talk long because I was about to go see a movie with "her". The movie we were going to see was gladiator. That is the event in which things began to take a turn up hill. Spiritually we were very close during that movie. I wish I could of stayed in that theater forever with her. I feel so many different things right now it's not even funny. I must remind myself that no matter how much I pray or cry or wish, we will never be that way again. What angers me most is that she has moved on, or so I believe. We used to say we loved each other. She said "I love you" then I said "I love you more"... then she said something I will never forget. She said "I doubt that". She loved me more then I loved her... I don't think so.

working... yet again

There has been a total of 5 people in here today. 3 of them have been fighting over control of marvel vs capcom 2. It was amusing for a little while to see these two guys get beat over and over by one of the MC greats as we call um. I've retreated back to my office to see who's online and to check my mail. I'm supposed to be on my best behavior today because the god of all Tilt gods is supposed to walk in. I don't care anymore. I was on my best behavior all weekend and I'm tired of it. So for the last two hours I've been sitting on the counter reading a magazine. I got in a short fight with this guy who wanted to take $50 worth of quarters out of my store. I was like hell no! He was cute though so I said he could take $10. That's still going to kill my changer percentage for the week. Oh well. I was just talking to Nancy. She's coming home from UT tomorrow. Woohoo! Her and I have yet to get intoxicated together so we are going to do that sometime this summer. Wow, there are 9 people on my buddy list right now. Thats a lot for a Monday afternoon. Most of them have away messages though. I so don't want to go back out there. I can't take this boredom much longer. If Mr. Tilt god walks in I'm gunna continue to sit my happy ass on the counter. If he fires me... oh well. At least I'll get to go home. I can go back to Gattitown anytime I want. At least there I know I wont be bored. Grrr... I want to go home! Why can't someone just mail me some money so that I wont have to work. My parent don't want me to work when I go away to college. Hum... na, I'm gunna work anyway. I'll just get a job on campus. My friend Casey refs intermural games... that sounds like fun. Gr... 2 1/2 more hours! Shoot me now!

Summer begins

Lazy days have just begun. I feared I would do this. The one and only reason I wake up is because I must drive my half hour to work and sit my ass behind a counter or in my office. Damn work! It amuses me sometimes how stupid people are. "I put my money in and the game won't start" Uh... you gotta press start you fucking moron! Hahaha... *shmack* I wish. I decided last night that I should go visit my depressed and lonely friend in Louisiana. I will give up my weekend of drinking and spend it driving to see her and cheer her up. What are friends for :) I'm trying to talk my friend JC into driving up there with me. She can help me keep my sanity for the 5-6 hour drive. I have to leave for work in less then an hour. It shouldn't be to bad though. It's a Monday after all. I need to stop spending my money. I just bought a web cam off of ebay. I need it for college... or so I tell myself. I still have to pay my cell bill and my credit cards. Oh shit! I still have to pay for my summer school. Maybe I should of waited to buy the web cam. Oh well, I get paid another $400 dollars on Friday. I can hold off until then.

*yawn*

I am sleepy. Yet, I don't feel like going to bed. I got home from Mike's about an hour or so ago. He came over to my house around 10:30 to pick me up to watch a little MST3K. I thought he was joking when he said he was coming over to peel my ass off my seat and take me back to his house. He wasn't. So we went back to his house, he shared his drinking stories of the night before. Funny! I wish I would of been there last night. We watched the movie, hit each other with pillows, and he kept doing that thing to my knee. He knows I don't like that. Just to fill you in, I get a weird ass uh, dare I say, sexual pleasure from being touched a certain way on my knee. He kept doing it and I just kinda sat there trying not to move. Ok, new topic... I just got done making a few little updates to my homepage. I will get some better pics up there one day. I got my final psychology grade back from my professor. I got an overall B in the class. Go me! I am very satisfied with that. So here I sit staring at my laptop. Only two buddies are on... both have away messages so there is no one to talk to. My cat is sitting next to me looking at me. She needs to stop... STOP LOOKING AT ME! I think I'm gunna go to a chat room or something, there is nothing else to do.

my day

For me summer officiailly begins tomorrow. I've got the rest of the month off as far as school goes. I begin to work 5 days a week tomorrow. Summer school begins in June, not looking forward to that. I worked 8 hours today. Played blitz before I went home, my current video game obsession. Drove incredibly fast on the way home. For a second I thought I saw her at a stop light. It might have been, it might not... who cares! I NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT HER! Ok... anywho... I'm talking to Jerre now. I just taught him how to get songs off of napster the right way. I so smart ;) JW is still in Louisiana with him. Who knows when they are coming home. I got a message from my friend in Chicago last night. Turns out he's engaged. *wow* I was shocked when I heard that. This guy was pursing me for the longest time and now he's engaged... *wow* and a damn, I think. I'm happy for him. It's about damn time he found someone. As for me, I'm still flying solo. Not by choice. I say that I need to be alone right now but thats a bunch of bull shit! Nobody truly wants to be alone. I started talking to this girl I had a crush on in high school, but nothing has developed as of yet. Me and this guy at work flirt a lot. He's a cutie but a little young for me. Whoa... serious conversation developing between Jerre and I... I'll finish this up later...

work

Saturdays at work SUCK! As soon as I get here there are endless parades of people... stupid people. With stupid question like, do you work here and why doesn't the slot machine give quarters? Dumb stupid ass people. It's ok though. Starting this week we begin to alternate our weekends so I will work every other weekend instead of every weekend. KICK ASS! I'm already planning to get extremely wasted all next weekend. I think BBB is having one of his hotel weekends. I shall attend that.

astroworld

Ah, late nights at astroworld. Tonight was much fun. Mike and I had a grand ole time. We got fastpasses and cut in front of everyone. It was great to be able to piss everyone off instead of them pissing us off. Loooozers! Flirting played a major roll in tonights events. I really got to him with the glow stick :P Stupid me didn't even realize what I was doing. Then it clicked. Oh... this is kinda sexual huh? hehe, sorry :) He asked if I wanted to go home or go back over to his house to watch a movie. He said something about alcohol and I knew right there that it probably wouldn't be good if I went to his house that night. So he took me home. It was a great night. But, I kept thinking about her. Every time I go to astroworld I think about her. I thought about her more tonight because tonight she graduated from kcc. I so badly wanted to see her in her cap and gown. I wanted to cheer and scream my head off when they called her name. But because of a certain third party I was not able to go. Now I'm depressed :( I have a stash of alcohol in my room... I think I'll go drink myself to sleep.