To...

Today I was supposed to just chill at home and do nothing. Instead I got called into work... blah! The bad thing is that I had to cancel my evening out with Mike. I felt really bad about that but there was nothing I could do. I had to go to work. On a happier note, I finally got my web cam in the mail. Ebay is great! I'm playing with it right now. Hehe, I can see myself. If anyone has microsoft netmeeting look me up. I'm still learning how to use it right now but in no time I should be a pro at it. Well, other then all this my day has been pretty boring. I did get the ac in my car fixed. Now I won't be sweating every time I walk into work. *yawn* Time for bed.

*yawn*

I just had a few interesting conversations with Nancy and Mike. Nancy has some weird guy iming her wanted to see her. And Mike is just wierd. I spent two hours filling out a couple of surveys that Jackie sent me. I love surveys... its just taking the time to fill them out is a bitch. Nancy and Mike already sent me there surveys back so I guess its all worth it. Since its 2am it has now been exactly one year since me and Mike started going out. Damn! Shows you how much can happen in a year. We're not together anymore but we're still friends. Tomorrow him and I are gunna go out to eat. He's gunna take me to his thinking spots since I took him to one of mine. So tomorrow should be fun. Nancy still wants me to get back together with him. "You two are so cute together!" Yeah, yeah, yeah... to be honest though I wonder why we aren't together. Ok, wait. I know why we aren't together but, I don't know... what are the words I'm looking for here... Ok, he's a great guy and all. He treats me good, he cares about me, and we have soooo many things in common. To quote Spaceballs, "He doesn't do it for me" and thats why I'm not with him. There are times when we are together when I want nothing more then to jump on him but when it comes to feelings they just aren't there. I love him to death as a friend. But as something more... nothing. Is this making any sense? Of course not. So anyways... yeah. I'm gunna go to sleep now cuz I'm sleepy. Nighty night all!

Beanie!

Yea! I got to see Beanie today! She's leaving tomorrow to go to Europe for a whole month :( I stopped by her house after I got off work. I'm gunna go see her again cuz I got her a poster that I'm going to give to her. I missed Beanie. She's been away at college for like EVER! I'll be able to spend the last half of the summer with her, i hope. Your my best friend Beanie! I love you!

weekend (cont.)

Ok, I have no idea where I left off last but I'm not going to go into tooooo much detail about my kick ass weekend. Ok, got reeaaally drunk on Friday night. I don't even really remember the specifics. Friday night and Saturday night are all kind of blending together right now. I remember we played Mario party and Jenga at one point. I remember playing indoor football and everyone getting the shit beat out of them. OH! Ok, I'm just gunna put down stuff I remember... Dustin got naked and ran to the stop sign and back. Nancy and I raced each other on the scooter. I hit my ass on something in the spa. Nancy threw the football right at my eye. Nancy and I came up with the "Jennanster" and the "Nanjenster". Both VERY good :) Dustin and Brandon drank that nasty ass gin. Brandon fell asleep praying to the porcelin gods :P "Nancy, leave that dog alone!" I got drunk with Mike and didn't have sex with him or even kiss him! GO ME! Ok, I'm sure there was A LOT more stuff but I only got 4 hours of sleep so I dont remember everything. I remember on Sunday... I went to church and fell asleep. I went to the Denny's me and some other friends skipped out on the bill of. Then I went to Mike's house and went swimming. We got the spa up to 110 degrees. It was hooootttt! Then we jumped into the pool to cool off. It was great. Ok, thats enough of this. I hope next weekend kicks ass much ass as this weekend did.

lost weekend

Ok, so its only Sunday but this weekend kicked ass! I'll kinda just sum it up right now and put some more detailed stuff on later when I have more time. Friday night... I shut those damn games off at 9pm. I pissed off a whole lot of people but I really didn't give a shit. I just wanted to get the hell out of there so that I could go party my ass off. Got home, called Nancy to see if she still wanted to go. Yeah, so I went and picked her up and we went to Brandon's. Ok... damn, I gotta go. I'll finish this up later.

!@#$

I'm having yet another "her" evening. I was just sitting in my room watching tv and something that she had wrote in one of her e-mails was playing back in my head. I've only read the e-mail once because I have made it a point not read it over and over again and feel sorry for myself. Anyway... she said something about if we were ever going to be together she'd want it long term and nothing else. Those words are just playing over and over in my head. Well, damnit! I want it, too! Thats how i've felt forever! I love her so fucking much that I just want to spend my every waking moment with her for the rest of my life. Then I kind of dozed off and had a short little dream. I was down on one knee, asking her to spend the rest of my life with me. Then I was quickly awakened by some loud noise. Oh god, don't even ask me why I'm putting all this down so the whole world can see it. I guess this is just my way of venting. If anyone has a problem with it... get over it. Yes, I am still trying to get over her. Yes, I still love her. I am screwed up on soooo many levels. But I have the right to be in love with whoever I want. I have heard from different friends that I need to move on. You two weren't right for each other. You're too good for her. She doesn't deserve you. And so on, and so on, and so on. But in my mind we are perfect for each other. Too bad I have to shove all these feelings away and move on.

Mellow be me

I think I've calmed down some what since I got here. I clowned around with Dustin for a bit. I've pretty much stayed in my office for the majority of the time I've been here. I've talked to RC, Beanie, Nancy, and Amanda over aim express. Amanda called me on my cell to tell me she had called Ken then hung up on him. I laughed my ass off. Then she wanted me to call him. I was like... uh, no. I'm chicken like that. So she called again and talked to him this time. I don't know the specific details of there conversation but I just thought it was funny. Beanie just ditched me, so did Nancy. RC signed off a long time ago. Now there is no one to talk to again. I'm hungry. I think I'll wander up to the food court and get myself a snack :)