!@#$

I'm having yet another "her" evening. I was just sitting in my room watching tv and something that she had wrote in one of her e-mails was playing back in my head. I've only read the e-mail once because I have made it a point not read it over and over again and feel sorry for myself. Anyway... she said something about if we were ever going to be together she'd want it long term and nothing else. Those words are just playing over and over in my head. Well, damnit! I want it, too! Thats how i've felt forever! I love her so fucking much that I just want to spend my every waking moment with her for the rest of my life. Then I kind of dozed off and had a short little dream. I was down on one knee, asking her to spend the rest of my life with me. Then I was quickly awakened by some loud noise. Oh god, don't even ask me why I'm putting all this down so the whole world can see it. I guess this is just my way of venting. If anyone has a problem with it... get over it. Yes, I am still trying to get over her. Yes, I still love her. I am screwed up on soooo many levels. But I have the right to be in love with whoever I want. I have heard from different friends that I need to move on. You two weren't right for each other. You're too good for her. She doesn't deserve you. And so on, and so on, and so on. But in my mind we are perfect for each other. Too bad I have to shove all these feelings away and move on.