here

I don't know exactly what you would call these. I don't want to say it's poetry cuz I dont write poetry. I wrote these two "groups of words" while I was bored at work. I even dated them 4-20. Don't judge them to harshly cuz I was just jotting stuff down...Two inseperable friendsif one day went by with out seeing each otherthey would just dieOne moment they shareda warm summer nightchanged their lives foreverand now they can never go backsuddenly the friends are separatedforbidden to see one anotherthe pain is unbearablewill someone end this nowI'm over you Do you think I care You need to stop imagining thingsI would be happy if you were in another relationshipYou are only hurting yourself no matter what you say, i know the truth, i know what i want, do you

do waaaaaaa

I went to the doctor bright and early this morning. I found out that I have some ovarian disease and I'm going to have trouble having children in the future. *sigh* It's no big deal right now cuz I don't want kids, but somewhere down the line I may. I was 15mins late for class. I hate that when you walk into class late everyone stops what they're doing to stare at you. I felt like shaking my ass before I sat down. That'll give them something to look at. Hehe. Class was boring as usual. I learned about how there are different committees in the house and senate... woofreakinhoo! I also learned a cool way to sign my name while I was doodling on my notes. Dammit! Susan's class let out early again! So I didn't get to see her. Damn damn damn! Ohhhh well. I'm gunna go up to my dad's office right now and play around with his scanner. Check my homepage for new pics :)

Dammit!...

Dammit! I feel worse right now then I did earlier. Medicine isn't helping... the only thing it's doing is numbing my senses. I've suddenly developed a cough too. I can't breath! I went to school early this morning and just kinda stared blankly at my professor. I did manage to take one page of notes and I think I did a pretty good job of bull shitting my way through my note card. During the break when everyone usually leaves the room I just sat there, put my head down on my desk, and took a quick nap. I figured I could catch Susan after class. Apparently her class let out early so she had already left by the time I was done. I got home and just colapsed on the couch. I took an hour long nap before I had to get right back up and get ready for work. With all the medication in me it probably wasn't safe for me to be driving, but oh well. I listened to my A.L.L cd the whole way up there. I grabbed it out of my cd case, looked at it and said "why do you keep doing this to yourself?". I got to work and Dustin looked at me and asked me what was wrong. I just said that I was on a lot of medication and was feeling a little out of it. Work went by amazingly fast. I sat behind the counter and worked on my government homework. Every once in a while I'd go to the back office and see who was online. I talked to Nancy and Ryan for a bit. Nancy's in summer school too, but she's at North Harris. Ryan has a new boy toy and might I say... yummy :) He sent me a pick of him a little while back. I shut the games off at 8:50pm, slammed the gate shut, did my paperwork, and was out of there at 9pm. I listened to the top 5 at 9 on 104 on my way home. Nsync was number 1, booyeah! When that was over I put my A.L.L. cd back in and tortured myself a little more. I got home around 9:40pm and finished up my government homework. I probably should go to bed cuz I have to be up bright and early tomorrow for yet another doctor's appointment before I go to school. I don't have to work tomorrow, thank god, so I think I'll just sleep my worries away. If only that were possible. I will not cry myself to sleep tonight!!!

blank

All this medication I'm taking is totally screwing me up. I'm much more "blah" then I've ever been. Heart and other miscellaneous medications are leaving me with a sense of nothingness. Going to doctors and being poked with a bunch of sticks and needles isn't all to comforting either. Test after test and still they can't really find whats wrong with me. I have another appointment tomorrow to find out the results of some test I took last week. It's not fun having someone stick a stick with a camera attached to it up your pee hole... I think that was one of the more uncomfortable test. I've been instructed by my doctor to gain 10lbs. I don't know how I'm gunna do that if the only thing I feel like doing is sleeping. I can't feel anything... this latest batch of pills has left me numb. Why is all this shit happening to me?

I talk...

I talked to Susan today! It's been 3 long years, just about, since I've talked to her. Our classes went on break at the same time so I walked by her class and flaged her down. She was like "Hey!", hehe :). We talked about the usual catch up stuff. Where we were going to school, our living situation, if we still talked to anyone from tech, and what our major was. She's majoring in theather. How cool is that!!! She's gunna be home all summer too! I get to see her every day now. Woohoo! Her hair is a little longer then it was in high school. She doesn't have bangs anymore :( I used to love her bangs but she still looks cute. I wanted to give her a hug before she went back to class but she was gunna be late so she ran back in there before I had a chance to ask for one. It's ok. I've got the rest of the summer to get one :D SUSAN!!!

8:3...

8:30 is to early to be waking up. I had to get up this early so that I could get to school and register. Aparently I was supposed to pay by May 30th. I forgot. So I got there and the class wasn't full yet, thank god. I registered and payed ok. To kill time I went up to the deserted computer lab and checked my mail. I will be glad to get out of KCC. There are just to many memories every where I look. Ten o'clock rolled around so I made my way to class. I thought I'd be early enough to get a good seat. As I walked down the hallway and looked into the classroom before mine. I just kinda glanced... I swear I saw Susan! It was, it was Susan! I didn't realize it until after I had taken my seat in my class. By then it was too late to walk back and investigate. I figured I could see her after class and say hi. Well, our class let out early and hers didn't. I guess I'll just have to wait till tomorrow to say hi. AAAHHHhhhhh... ITS SUSAN! I haven't seen her in about 3 years. We just recently started to talk over e-mail. All I wanna do is give her a hug and i'll be the happiest person in the world. I just wanna sit and look at her. ITS SUSAN!!! :D

loserana

Finally, the trip I had been planning for almost a month went underway this weekend. Instead of taking JC I went with Michael instead. We left late on Friday night. The drive was exhausting yet fun. Hehe, I even got Mike to sing MMMbop. He was some what intoxicated at the time but oh well, he sang it with me :) We arrived at our destination around 4am. We unpacked the car then went right to sleep. We awoke around 11am or so. We played some old school nintendo for a while then we went swimming. We got to the pool and played around with a giant ball we had found the night before. That was fun. After that we went back to the apartment, got dressed, then headed to New Orleans. We walked around on the Riverwalk, then I think we took the long way to Bourbon St. Now that was interesting. I can only imagine what that place is like during Mardi Gras. After that we went to the world trade center. At the very top there is a revolving restaurant. You have to be 18 to go in there. Of course they look at everyone, then at me and ask ME if im 18. YES! Damnit, i'm older then JW and Jerre. They didn't even check our ID's. So we sat in the little revolving room with our alcoholic beverages they shouldn't have surved us and just kinda chilled. There were video poker machines in there so Mike decided to go gamble. Hehe, he won $2. Go Mike! After our New Orleans adventure we headed back to the apartment. But we couldn't go home without stopping by the SuperDuper Wal-Mart. We picked up some swimming toys, canned cheese and crackers, and of course... ALCOHOL! :) So we got back to the apartment and busted out the crackers and canned cheese. You can't have crackers and canned cheese and not play monopoly. I got my ass kicked early in that game. I'm the monopoly queen... how can I be getting my ass kicked! Oh well, we didn't even finish. We took a break to go swimming. At this point its about 11pm or so. We took our swimming toys we bought at Wal-Mart and played a drinking game. JW started talking about drinking and stripping. I was all for it :P Instead of playing a game though we just stripped in the pool and went skinny dipping. Woohoo! So me, Mike, JW, and Jerre are all swimming naked in the apartment pool. I'd say a good 20mins went by before we decided to get out of the pool all together. It was windy and cold out while we were swimming and stupid me got sick. We went back in I just kinda laid there feeling like crap. We put away the monopoly game and played pictionary. I'm a great guesser but I can't draw for shit. Mike and JW were drinking but I just wasn't up for it because I felt so bad. After the game I think we pretty much decided to go to sleep. It was about 4am at this time. It didn't even feel like it. So we slept, and slept, and slept, and slept... i think we woke up at 4:30 or 5pm. I could of slept longer though. We packed up our stuff said our goodbye's and went to Wal-Mart again to pick me up some dayquil so that I could drive home and not fell like shit. JW met us up there cuz she was gunna come home with us. With her leading the way we started our 5 hour trip back home. Again, it was a tiring trip with a little excitement along the way (Integras). We got back to Humble around 11pm. I dropped off Mike and went home. I took the longest shower of my life, checked my mail, then went to bed only to wake up early the next day to go to summer school. So that was my trip to Louisiana or Loserana. It was a fun experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

!@#$

Not much has happened in the past couple of days. Except that JC pulled out on our trip to Louisiana. I was pissed beyond belief when she told me. Cuz get this... she said she needed two weeks notice before she could get off to go. Ok, fine. Understandable. I gave her almost 3 weeks notice! Guess what?! She has to work! She put her request in and every thing but she was still schedualed to work. She's been working there for like ever. You'd think she had some sort of seniority or something. Anyway... I'm going with or without her. So what if I get killed driving that long stretch of road with no one with me.

(no subject)

Today was my one and only day off. My dad came into my room and woke me up by throwing cats onto me. They didn't feel to good. Especially when they have their claws sticking out. I went to church with the family then we all went to casa ole to eat. Here's where the drama comes in... a guy that I had a one night stand with works there. I saw him half way through our meal from across the room. Good thing we were sitting in a corner booth so that he couldn't see me. I thought I was home free when we were walking out. I was almost out the door when he yelled from behind me, "hi jennifer!" I turned around flashed him a look then continued walking. At least I didn't talk to him. Bastard. I hope to god that I never see him again. Anyways, after that we walked around the mall for a bit. I bought a cd and a new sticker for my car. I took 3 of the old stickers off of it and put my new one on. now there aren't so many stickers on my car. There is the fourth one that I haven't taken off yet, but I think I am. It was kinda sad when I took them off. I took The Moffatts sticker off which has sooo many memories to it. I took off the powerpuff girls one and the pickachu one. The one thats still on there is the black one that says Why is everybody staring at me. But I think I'm going to take that one off too. The new one I got says happiness and above it is the chinese symbol for it :) Hap-Penis! is an inside joke with a lot of my friends and when I saw that sticker I just had to buy it. Ok, enough about my stupid stickers... I'm sure whoever's reading this could care less...I'm supposed to be at a party tonight. One of Mike's friends just graduated from high school and he's supposed to be having this big graduation party. It's by invitation only though. Mike tried his best to get me in but his friend's parent wouldn't go for it. Mike said something cute though. He said that if his friend didn't want him to go so bad he'd much rather just hang out with me :) AWWWWWWW!!! See, this is what I'm talking about... damnit, there has to be something wrong with me. Ah well, I'm out.

fudge

It's kinda late and I'm kinda tired. I had a little caffeene today. I'm not supposed to have any period. Oh well, I guess. I'm still playing with my new toy that I got off of ebay. Right now I'm watching myself on a screen in the top left hand corner of my monitor. I look very serious, almost teary eyed... I have yet to try it out on anyone. Perhaps I'll find a guine pig tomorrow to try it out on. I am so exausted from working it's not even funny. I worked close to 50 hours this week... by myself. Does anyone realize what kind of tourture that is? I went to work today very depressed. As the day went on these 2 little boys who were around 11 or 12 years came in. I helped them out with some games and kinda goofed around with them. When they were cashing there tickets out one of them said something to me that was so nice... that little kid just made my day. Heck, he made my week. I don't know... I guess I'm just not all here at the moment. If you have access to my private entries then you what stupid ass thing I did last night after I left the mall. OMG! On my way to work I don't know what I was thinking but I was listening to that cd that I shouldn't be listening to. Ok... I'm gunna start crying. :(

To...

Today I was supposed to just chill at home and do nothing. Instead I got called into work... blah! The bad thing is that I had to cancel my evening out with Mike. I felt really bad about that but there was nothing I could do. I had to go to work. On a happier note, I finally got my web cam in the mail. Ebay is great! I'm playing with it right now. Hehe, I can see myself. If anyone has microsoft netmeeting look me up. I'm still learning how to use it right now but in no time I should be a pro at it. Well, other then all this my day has been pretty boring. I did get the ac in my car fixed. Now I won't be sweating every time I walk into work. *yawn* Time for bed.

*yawn*

I just had a few interesting conversations with Nancy and Mike. Nancy has some weird guy iming her wanted to see her. And Mike is just wierd. I spent two hours filling out a couple of surveys that Jackie sent me. I love surveys... its just taking the time to fill them out is a bitch. Nancy and Mike already sent me there surveys back so I guess its all worth it. Since its 2am it has now been exactly one year since me and Mike started going out. Damn! Shows you how much can happen in a year. We're not together anymore but we're still friends. Tomorrow him and I are gunna go out to eat. He's gunna take me to his thinking spots since I took him to one of mine. So tomorrow should be fun. Nancy still wants me to get back together with him. "You two are so cute together!" Yeah, yeah, yeah... to be honest though I wonder why we aren't together. Ok, wait. I know why we aren't together but, I don't know... what are the words I'm looking for here... Ok, he's a great guy and all. He treats me good, he cares about me, and we have soooo many things in common. To quote Spaceballs, "He doesn't do it for me" and thats why I'm not with him. There are times when we are together when I want nothing more then to jump on him but when it comes to feelings they just aren't there. I love him to death as a friend. But as something more... nothing. Is this making any sense? Of course not. So anyways... yeah. I'm gunna go to sleep now cuz I'm sleepy. Nighty night all!

Beanie!

Yea! I got to see Beanie today! She's leaving tomorrow to go to Europe for a whole month :( I stopped by her house after I got off work. I'm gunna go see her again cuz I got her a poster that I'm going to give to her. I missed Beanie. She's been away at college for like EVER! I'll be able to spend the last half of the summer with her, i hope. Your my best friend Beanie! I love you!

weekend (cont.)

Ok, I have no idea where I left off last but I'm not going to go into tooooo much detail about my kick ass weekend. Ok, got reeaaally drunk on Friday night. I don't even really remember the specifics. Friday night and Saturday night are all kind of blending together right now. I remember we played Mario party and Jenga at one point. I remember playing indoor football and everyone getting the shit beat out of them. OH! Ok, I'm just gunna put down stuff I remember... Dustin got naked and ran to the stop sign and back. Nancy and I raced each other on the scooter. I hit my ass on something in the spa. Nancy threw the football right at my eye. Nancy and I came up with the "Jennanster" and the "Nanjenster". Both VERY good :) Dustin and Brandon drank that nasty ass gin. Brandon fell asleep praying to the porcelin gods :P "Nancy, leave that dog alone!" I got drunk with Mike and didn't have sex with him or even kiss him! GO ME! Ok, I'm sure there was A LOT more stuff but I only got 4 hours of sleep so I dont remember everything. I remember on Sunday... I went to church and fell asleep. I went to the Denny's me and some other friends skipped out on the bill of. Then I went to Mike's house and went swimming. We got the spa up to 110 degrees. It was hooootttt! Then we jumped into the pool to cool off. It was great. Ok, thats enough of this. I hope next weekend kicks ass much ass as this weekend did.

lost weekend

Ok, so its only Sunday but this weekend kicked ass! I'll kinda just sum it up right now and put some more detailed stuff on later when I have more time. Friday night... I shut those damn games off at 9pm. I pissed off a whole lot of people but I really didn't give a shit. I just wanted to get the hell out of there so that I could go party my ass off. Got home, called Nancy to see if she still wanted to go. Yeah, so I went and picked her up and we went to Brandon's. Ok... damn, I gotta go. I'll finish this up later.

!@#$

I'm having yet another "her" evening. I was just sitting in my room watching tv and something that she had wrote in one of her e-mails was playing back in my head. I've only read the e-mail once because I have made it a point not read it over and over again and feel sorry for myself. Anyway... she said something about if we were ever going to be together she'd want it long term and nothing else. Those words are just playing over and over in my head. Well, damnit! I want it, too! Thats how i've felt forever! I love her so fucking much that I just want to spend my every waking moment with her for the rest of my life. Then I kind of dozed off and had a short little dream. I was down on one knee, asking her to spend the rest of my life with me. Then I was quickly awakened by some loud noise. Oh god, don't even ask me why I'm putting all this down so the whole world can see it. I guess this is just my way of venting. If anyone has a problem with it... get over it. Yes, I am still trying to get over her. Yes, I still love her. I am screwed up on soooo many levels. But I have the right to be in love with whoever I want. I have heard from different friends that I need to move on. You two weren't right for each other. You're too good for her. She doesn't deserve you. And so on, and so on, and so on. But in my mind we are perfect for each other. Too bad I have to shove all these feelings away and move on.

Mellow be me

I think I've calmed down some what since I got here. I clowned around with Dustin for a bit. I've pretty much stayed in my office for the majority of the time I've been here. I've talked to RC, Beanie, Nancy, and Amanda over aim express. Amanda called me on my cell to tell me she had called Ken then hung up on him. I laughed my ass off. Then she wanted me to call him. I was like... uh, no. I'm chicken like that. So she called again and talked to him this time. I don't know the specific details of there conversation but I just thought it was funny. Beanie just ditched me, so did Nancy. RC signed off a long time ago. Now there is no one to talk to again. I'm hungry. I think I'll wander up to the food court and get myself a snack :)

OMG! I ...

OMG! I just got to work ok... right before I turned my car off I got a call from Tason on my cell phone. Him and I used to work together at Gattitown. Anyways, he tells me that one of the managers got fired. OMG! The he tells me that he is now a supervisor along with this other guy I know. More then likely if I would of stayed there I would be a supervisor right now. Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! So I sitting up here at work right now not giving a flying fuck about what I'm doing. I'm not going to tuck my shirt in, I'm not gonig to be on my best behavior... Mr. Tilt God can walk in at anytime and I really don't give a rats ass if he fires me. At this point I want to get fired. I know that I can always go back to Gattitown anytime I want to. They know that I will work and I am respected and everyone actually likes me. I soooo wanna go back to Gattitown now. Tason said that they should be getting a fat pay raise. Hell yeah! I wanna go back even if I don't get to be a supervisor. I just miss all the friends that I had there. Sometimes that is more important then money. Gattitown... look out.

dfjka;oies

I've had a few drinks. I'm feeling a little bit of nothing right now. I was on a bit of a high but now I think I'm at that point where your in between feelin really good and feeling really bad. There is no one online to talk to so I think I'll just stumble upstairs and pass out on my bed. I'd like to thank Jackie before I go though. She sent me a really nice friendship e-mail. I love you Jackie. I just wish we weren't so far away from each other. You're a great friend.

shit shit and duba shit!

I do not feel good AT ALL! I don't know why either. I'm just in an overall shitty mood. I was sitting down watching tv with my mom and out of no where she turns to me and asks if I want to see a shrink... I just turned and looked at her. I was thinking to myself... what the hell does that mean? Do I wanna see a shrink... what parent just comes out and says that out of the blue. I didn't respond to her, I just sat there and continued to watch tv. I've just been out of it all day today. I spent most of my afternoon locked in my room watching powerpuff girl videos and the HBO nsync special. I ate a lot today. Thats a good thing. Maybe I'll gain a little weight and be a normal size. I went shopping the other day and found a pair or shorts that I liked... they are a size 0, and they are loose. That is bad. >:( I just got in a fight with my brother. I have to get out of my house so bad its not even funny. I hate the fact that I'm almost 21 and I still live with my parents. I feel so bad... I think I'm going to cry. I am such a cry baby! Damnit! I miss having a best friend around. At this time last year I had two best friends... I didn't know how good I had it. I hate the way things change. Ok, I think I need a drink...

5:30am

That is what time I wake up every Tuesday in order to get to work by 7am. This Tuesday was like anyother. Went to work... did an ass load of paperwork and inputing numbers. Opened the store at 10am, fixed little things here and there, and waited for Dustin to show up so that I could go home. He shows up, I clock out... instead of going home I stay an play some games. I always do... I'm a loozer like that. I got my ass kicked twice in blitz and got to put my name in the first place slot on Sega GT. I guess I'm better at racing games. Anyways... I screwed around with Dustin for a bit then went home in my air conditionless car. I'll get it fixed one of these days. Now I'm just kinda chillin at home. I've got nothing to do for the rest of the day so I think I'll just sit here and work on my homepage a little and surf the web.

random thoughts

I can tell tonight is gunna be one of those nights when I can't sleep. All of a sudden my every thought is of her. I have been taken over by these flood of emotions. Shit like this happens all the time. One moment I'm fine and the next I'm on the verge of a breakdown. Why do I love her so much? She treats me like shit. For the past year I've been forcing myself to get over her. I can say that I am closer to my goal with every passing day, but every once in a while I have these horrible yet pleasing memories of her. Why can't I stop thinking about her!? I stumbled upon an old conversation I had with Mike almost a year ago... It was a short one. I had told him that I couldn't talk long because I was about to go see a movie with "her". The movie we were going to see was gladiator. That is the event in which things began to take a turn up hill. Spiritually we were very close during that movie. I wish I could of stayed in that theater forever with her. I feel so many different things right now it's not even funny. I must remind myself that no matter how much I pray or cry or wish, we will never be that way again. What angers me most is that she has moved on, or so I believe. We used to say we loved each other. She said "I love you" then I said "I love you more"... then she said something I will never forget. She said "I doubt that". She loved me more then I loved her... I don't think so.

working... yet again

There has been a total of 5 people in here today. 3 of them have been fighting over control of marvel vs capcom 2. It was amusing for a little while to see these two guys get beat over and over by one of the MC greats as we call um. I've retreated back to my office to see who's online and to check my mail. I'm supposed to be on my best behavior today because the god of all Tilt gods is supposed to walk in. I don't care anymore. I was on my best behavior all weekend and I'm tired of it. So for the last two hours I've been sitting on the counter reading a magazine. I got in a short fight with this guy who wanted to take $50 worth of quarters out of my store. I was like hell no! He was cute though so I said he could take $10. That's still going to kill my changer percentage for the week. Oh well. I was just talking to Nancy. She's coming home from UT tomorrow. Woohoo! Her and I have yet to get intoxicated together so we are going to do that sometime this summer. Wow, there are 9 people on my buddy list right now. Thats a lot for a Monday afternoon. Most of them have away messages though. I so don't want to go back out there. I can't take this boredom much longer. If Mr. Tilt god walks in I'm gunna continue to sit my happy ass on the counter. If he fires me... oh well. At least I'll get to go home. I can go back to Gattitown anytime I want. At least there I know I wont be bored. Grrr... I want to go home! Why can't someone just mail me some money so that I wont have to work. My parent don't want me to work when I go away to college. Hum... na, I'm gunna work anyway. I'll just get a job on campus. My friend Casey refs intermural games... that sounds like fun. Gr... 2 1/2 more hours! Shoot me now!

Summer begins

Lazy days have just begun. I feared I would do this. The one and only reason I wake up is because I must drive my half hour to work and sit my ass behind a counter or in my office. Damn work! It amuses me sometimes how stupid people are. "I put my money in and the game won't start" Uh... you gotta press start you fucking moron! Hahaha... *shmack* I wish. I decided last night that I should go visit my depressed and lonely friend in Louisiana. I will give up my weekend of drinking and spend it driving to see her and cheer her up. What are friends for :) I'm trying to talk my friend JC into driving up there with me. She can help me keep my sanity for the 5-6 hour drive. I have to leave for work in less then an hour. It shouldn't be to bad though. It's a Monday after all. I need to stop spending my money. I just bought a web cam off of ebay. I need it for college... or so I tell myself. I still have to pay my cell bill and my credit cards. Oh shit! I still have to pay for my summer school. Maybe I should of waited to buy the web cam. Oh well, I get paid another $400 dollars on Friday. I can hold off until then.

*yawn*

I am sleepy. Yet, I don't feel like going to bed. I got home from Mike's about an hour or so ago. He came over to my house around 10:30 to pick me up to watch a little MST3K. I thought he was joking when he said he was coming over to peel my ass off my seat and take me back to his house. He wasn't. So we went back to his house, he shared his drinking stories of the night before. Funny! I wish I would of been there last night. We watched the movie, hit each other with pillows, and he kept doing that thing to my knee. He knows I don't like that. Just to fill you in, I get a weird ass uh, dare I say, sexual pleasure from being touched a certain way on my knee. He kept doing it and I just kinda sat there trying not to move. Ok, new topic... I just got done making a few little updates to my homepage. I will get some better pics up there one day. I got my final psychology grade back from my professor. I got an overall B in the class. Go me! I am very satisfied with that. So here I sit staring at my laptop. Only two buddies are on... both have away messages so there is no one to talk to. My cat is sitting next to me looking at me. She needs to stop... STOP LOOKING AT ME! I think I'm gunna go to a chat room or something, there is nothing else to do.

my day

For me summer officiailly begins tomorrow. I've got the rest of the month off as far as school goes. I begin to work 5 days a week tomorrow. Summer school begins in June, not looking forward to that. I worked 8 hours today. Played blitz before I went home, my current video game obsession. Drove incredibly fast on the way home. For a second I thought I saw her at a stop light. It might have been, it might not... who cares! I NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT HER! Ok... anywho... I'm talking to Jerre now. I just taught him how to get songs off of napster the right way. I so smart ;) JW is still in Louisiana with him. Who knows when they are coming home. I got a message from my friend in Chicago last night. Turns out he's engaged. *wow* I was shocked when I heard that. This guy was pursing me for the longest time and now he's engaged... *wow* and a damn, I think. I'm happy for him. It's about damn time he found someone. As for me, I'm still flying solo. Not by choice. I say that I need to be alone right now but thats a bunch of bull shit! Nobody truly wants to be alone. I started talking to this girl I had a crush on in high school, but nothing has developed as of yet. Me and this guy at work flirt a lot. He's a cutie but a little young for me. Whoa... serious conversation developing between Jerre and I... I'll finish this up later...

work

Saturdays at work SUCK! As soon as I get here there are endless parades of people... stupid people. With stupid question like, do you work here and why doesn't the slot machine give quarters? Dumb stupid ass people. It's ok though. Starting this week we begin to alternate our weekends so I will work every other weekend instead of every weekend. KICK ASS! I'm already planning to get extremely wasted all next weekend. I think BBB is having one of his hotel weekends. I shall attend that.

astroworld

Ah, late nights at astroworld. Tonight was much fun. Mike and I had a grand ole time. We got fastpasses and cut in front of everyone. It was great to be able to piss everyone off instead of them pissing us off. Loooozers! Flirting played a major roll in tonights events. I really got to him with the glow stick :P Stupid me didn't even realize what I was doing. Then it clicked. Oh... this is kinda sexual huh? hehe, sorry :) He asked if I wanted to go home or go back over to his house to watch a movie. He said something about alcohol and I knew right there that it probably wouldn't be good if I went to his house that night. So he took me home. It was a great night. But, I kept thinking about her. Every time I go to astroworld I think about her. I thought about her more tonight because tonight she graduated from kcc. I so badly wanted to see her in her cap and gown. I wanted to cheer and scream my head off when they called her name. But because of a certain third party I was not able to go. Now I'm depressed :( I have a stash of alcohol in my room... I think I'll go drink myself to sleep.

the call

I just got a call from the cola. He's run out of gas on the freeway and is about to get hit by many 18 wheelers. I laugh at his misfourtune then proceed to play the hero. I rescue his dorky ass and in return he fills up my gas tank. Cool. We ended up sitting at the gas station for almost 2 hours drinkin soda, smokin some turkish gold, and shooting the bull. It was great. It was not at all what I was expecting to do at 1am on a Thursday night. It was fun though... and my good deed for the day. Go me :)

a visitor

She called, she wanted to show me her new hair do. So she came over about 30mins later in her new truck as well. I invited her in and it was like an angel had entered my house. She is so beautiful. I wanted nothing more then to take her in my arms and never let go. I said that I would get over her though, and I want to, I have to. She stayed a whole five minutes. Five minutes of torture. I wish she wouldn't have come over, it just wasn't a good time. She walked out my door perhaps never to be seen again. I asked for no hug, no physical contact what so ever. She did pat me on the head once while we were talking. *confused* I shut the door to my house then turned 90 degrees and proceeded to bang my head against the wall a dozen times. I felt nothing. I don't know why I did it. Love will do crazy shit to you.